Deity Of Your Choice

Oh dear...

2006-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

What the f*ck is wrong with the world?

The Church Of The Sub-Genius?

Well, I suppose I have no need to be afraid.
Clearly these are the kind of people who have an obscene fascination with "The Lord Of The Rings", and consider Peter Jackson to be the greatest director of our time. The sort of people who hang out at Games Workshop ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Yes, readers, INTERNET NERDS.

The kind of people who get excited not just by the release of the Playstation Portable, but even more excited when they discover that they can butcher the device and load Mac OS X onto it, even though they can't actually do anything with it once they have.

The kind of people who recreate scenes from 'Brokeback Mountain' in lego, photograph them, and post them on the internet.

Let us thank the Deity of our choice for keeping these people at home, inside their bedrooms jerking off to Lara Croft.

OH....
I've been watching the ACC (Australian Christian Channel) again.
May I say, Brian Houston (the Senior Pastor of the Hillsong Church, and the head of the Assemblies Of God) IS THE MOST UN-CHARISMATIC, UNINSPIRING, DULL PREACHER I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS.
He's nervous, he stumbles constantly, and quite often gets lost in his own point.
How did this man end up where he is?

CityRail Strikes Again...

2006-02-20T03:05:00.000-08:00

This ticket machine....
THIS TICKET MACHINE... takes coins only.

The cheapest full fare ticket that can be purchased from this machine costs $2.60.

Now... notice this:As a special treat... today this machine will NOT take more than $1.90 in coins at a time.
WHAT THE FUCK?
CityFail... what is your excuse today?
BRING ME MY GUN, CLETUS JOE...
WE GON' START CULLIN'

unbelievable stupidity...

2006-02-19T09:50:00.000-08:00

The Australian Christian Channel made Sami cry.
It has just made me throw something at the television.

They are currently showing an infomercial for a prayer hotline.

You call this number, tell the operator your prayer, and they will pass it on to a "national prayer network" thus apparently increasing the magnitude and importance of your prayer.

So... what you're telling me is that if enough people ask for the same thing, regardless of what it is... God will grant it?

Bullying God into doing your bidding? Isn't something wrong there?
If enough people prayed for Lindsay Lohan to grow a third breast on her forearm... would she?

Prayer is a great thing, but it's not a petition... it's a dialogue.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

May you all perish slowly and painfully under the weight of your designer jewellery.

Brian & Bobbie Houston, Darlene Zschech, Phil & Chistine Pringle... all of your cronies... I AM LOOKING AT YOU... and, funnily enough... so is God. What do you think he'd say?

The Australian Christian Channel Made Me Cry*

2006-02-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

If only I had access to an arsenal...all my problems could be solved. The ACC would be my first target. If they love Jesus so much they can meet him earlier than expected, then they could stop angsting over whether they are doing a good enough job of being one of "God's children".

Don't get me wrong I am all for faith and belief and hope, but really, gathering thousands of people to a church that has an escalator, (that's right... an escalator) and listening to some fat, middle-aged moron with 6 inch thick glasses and no hair telling them bad jokes that are made worse by the Christian context in which they were told is not the answer to your spiritual yearnings. Join a commune. At least you will feel as though you are contributing.

*tears of rage, people... RAGE.

Pon De Replay?

2006-02-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

"I enjoy this video clip simply because of the way her stomach moves... Do you see that? Her stomach. It moves with intention. I want MY stomach to move with intention."

A Manifesto

2006-02-19T08:30:00.000-08:00

Did you ever feel that perhaps some rennaisance harp and lute music would make it all better?

Have you ever considered what the world might be like if the role of Marissa on the O.C was played by Georgie Parker?

Have you ever woken up in a sweat in the middle of the night and wished that Lisa McCune had never left "Blue Heelers"?

Have you ever pictured Andrew Lloyd-Webber naked?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions,

DO NOT TOUCH ME.

DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200. GO DIRECTLY TO THE OFFICES OF TV WEEK AND BARRICADE YOURSELF AND THE EDITORIAL STAFF INSIDE THE DISABLED TOILET.
THAT IS ALL.